Ever since I was young I was always struggling or juggling with time. I was either regretting how it was passing or wishing it would end. It’s funny how it changed. When I was younger it was mostly in the regret of it passing, I would want the day to never end. As I grew older it became the rush and wishing mostly that the day or the week would end. Of course this would depend on what I was doing because it seemed how you were with time would change depending on what you were doing. Mostly if you were at work then you would want it to end but then as soon as you were on a day off or on holidays, then you would want it to never end. This struggle with time continued throughout my life and I thought it was normal and never sat back and considered anything different. I knew one thing though, there seemed to be never enough time.
I remember working and the days would go really long and it would appear as though time had slowed down. Yet then you would have a day off and it appeared the clock had sped up. How was the same clock going slower and then faster? I never considered this more deeply, what was happening to the clock? Or was it something I was doing, after all – there is always only 24 hours in the day? Even looking at these questions now I am still caught at times by time, but it can’t be the clock because the second hand always goes the same pace and there is always the same 24 hours in the day. So what has changed, what is different? It is my perception of time and not time itself that changes. If you were like me and still haven’t fully grasped this then consider this, – no matter where you are or what you are doing at 4pm, it will still be 4pm. On the clock, it doesn’t read 4pm when you are sitting at 2pm and likewise when you think we are ahead of time it doesn’t hit 4pm when you are at 5pm. So we can never truly be behind or ahead of time but always in time. So the only thing changeable in this way is our perception, how we see ourselves in time. A good read for more around this is Time, Space and all of us, Book 1 – Time. To give you a preview,
“Time does not move us. We are moved or are constantly moving by the anti-clockwise movement of our planet Earth. It is the planet and not time that produces what we call ‘daytime’ and ‘night-time’. What we call time, in this particular reference to movement, is nothing more than an indicator of where we geographically are in relation to the Sun.”
Serge Benhayon, Time, p. 67
So what has changed for me, or more importantly, what is continually changing for me? My perception of time and . It has nothing to do with time itself but as I said before, more about my relationship to it or my relationship with how I am. As has been presented to me by a great friend Serge Benhayon, my struggle with time is about what it reflects to me, what it is asking of me. So if I get to a point in time and haven’t lived to that point who or how I truly feel to be then there is an angst or a tension. We relate this to time but as I said it’s about our relationship and not the clock itself. So how have I got more time?, I have deepened my relationship with how I am feeling at each point in time. The more and more I do this, the more time and hence space opens up. But from what is now obvious, it’s not necessarily that I have more time in how we perceive it, because the clock actually never changes.
It’s from my relationship with how I am and not how much I do that time has opened up.